Saturday, December 5, 2015

The "Friend Zone"

There's been a lot of justifiable criticism of guys who complain about how women don't recognize the "nice guys" right under their noses and who continue to throw themselves at "bad boys." They complain that they've been put into the "Friend Zone" by these women; as in "I like you, but just as a friend." These self-described "nice guys" then launch into paroxysms of rage about how those women who don't notice them or reject them are all stupid bitches and one day these "nice guys" are gonna snap and fuck them up.

It's especially justifiable when these "nice guys" are relegated to "friendship" by women who actually have zero interest in these guys' advances, or even their companionship.

(I can't find the video, but Amy Schumer did a bit where there was a phone app called "Milady" where women could keep track of all these guys who offered them things --- "For You, My Lady!" -- whether they wanted them to or not. These guys all expected a relationship out of their gifts eventually. Schumer and her girlfriend in the sketch pointed out though, that if they rejected these unsolicited favours, they wouldn't stop coming. And if they repeatedly rejected them they'd be angrily called "stuck-up bitches" and who knew where the hostility would end?)

But aren't there men AND women who hold a torch for someone for years, and who continue to be friends with them and help them out, even as they go through relationships with other people, in the hopes that they'll one day be noticed as a love interest?

I've been thinking about all these songs sung by women about how they'll stay in the background, or even be the girl/woman that he can see between his love affairs. But then I thought; how many of those songs were written by men?

There's a woman I barely know who has thought me cute for years and blurted out a come-on FaceBook. I don't suppose that counts, but it's evidence of holding a candle.

I've never complained about being relegated to the "Friend Zone" because I tended to date women outside my immediate social circle. (It saved uncomfortable awkward scenes later.) When I was in highschool I had a crush on a girl. I dreamed about her literally every school night. It was a new school and her and all her friends thought I was hilarious. I drew a picture for her once but I never expected a reward for it. I eventually had to ask her out, but she said no. (I was a head-banger, she was a preppie. It wasn't so outrageous an idea though. A few years later I told a guy who'd been a popular, preppie jock at that school that I'd asked her out and he thought it possible that she might have said yes.)

Hah! I just remembered, a friend from my old neighbourhood, who listened to me going on and on about her, went off to university, and she went to the same one and was in the class of another one of our friends there, and that guy fell madly in love with her.

"I have to see this girl!" he said.

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