Tuesday, May 21, 2019

So, You Want To Be Prime Minister of Canada, 'eh?

Who wants to be prime minister of Canada?

Well, to do that, you most likely would have to join either the Liberal Party or the Conservative Party of Canada. You'd have to internalize the values of either of those parties.

For most of us, that rules out joining the Conservative Party of Canada.

So, you'd have to enthusiastically cheer on the current policies of the Trudeau government (on foreign policy/pipelines/First Nations/fiscal policy, etc.,) whatever your personal doubts.

You'd have to have lived a life that could stand-up to media scrutiny. (Any bankruptcies? Divorces? Psychiatric treatments? Online indiscretions?)

You'd have to appear "successful" in life. (Steady employment in a professional capacity/own your own business/inherited wealth/etc.) This includes having an attractive family who can pose with you for pictures. Although in recent years it's permissible to have an attractive same-sex partner. (The Conservative Party seems more comfortable with life-long bachelors for some reason.) You can't run for public office as a "loser" now, can you?

Now, remember, you want to be prime minister! That means you have to stand-out within the Liberal Party. So you DO have to demonstrate some brains. Some competency. You have to win a local election defending the Liberal platform and how you plan on achieving it as an MP, perhaps along with some individual goal you deem important but which is well within the Liberal Party worldview.

The Liberal Party is able to afford to exist and to compete by attracting donors. This would be: ordinary Canadians who believe in the party and its values. Rich people who agree with the party and its values. And money from institutions and corporate entities run by rich people who agree with the party and its values. So, obviously, this means NO SOCIALISM. This means low taxation. This means a "pro-business" attitude.

This BTW is where competition with the Conservatives really comes in. Conservatives pander to the bulk of their voters (ordinary chumps) with calls to lower taxes on them and by promising to crackdown on the standard scapegoats who are believed, or held to believe, are the reasons why these deluded shlubs are suffering in their lives. So, bashing the poor, immigrants, people of colour, non-heterosexuals, environmentalists, unions, etc.,. The Conservatives then pander to their true bosses, the wealthy within the capitalist system. They can do this with no thought of the consequences because their own voting base is so stupid and confused that they won't make the connection between cutting taxes and cutting public services. As a Liberal, you'll have to vie with the Conservatives for the support of the wealthy and the corporate sector as much as you can without completely gutting the ability of the state to function.

Canada is run by Bay Street, Big Oil, a few wealthy families (The Thomsons, The Westons, The Rogers, The Irvings, etc.), and the corporate interests they control. (Loblaws, Shoppers Drug Mart, The Globe & Mail, Bombardier, SNC-Lavalin, Manulife, Telus). These are your true masters. You cannot propose anything that would even modestly impact their cosseted existences in any way. In fact, for the most part, you are going to have to ADVANCE their interests to really win their favour. 

They will tend to stick more closely to the Conservatives unless they have long-established patronage ties with the Liberals (that are older and more developed than those with the Conservatives), or unless the Conservative Party has gone right off the rails with its moronic delusions and is recklessly undermining the state and the economy with its slashing of revenues/stirring-up racist hatreds/pissing-off the general public, whatever.

Oh yeah. Don't forget the Canadian Armed Forces. And don't forget the United States of America. I mention those two in the same paragraph because the former is an important tool for foreign policy as well as a source of domestic national identity politics. Love of war tends to be a characteristic of stupid people. (For example: "It would be fucking AWESOME to go to war and fight the evil-doers!!!! Aw shit! My leg got blown-off! This sucks! This isn't what I expected!!!" ... or some variant of that.) And stupid people as a demographic tend to lean Conservative. But if you're going to serve the USA in any meaningful capacity, you're going to have to have a military. Which tends to be a useless drag on the economy but it's unavoidable. So, show up at the cenotaphs with the wreaths on Remembrance Day and cultivate relationships with the higher commands. (For some reason, the Conservative Party really enjoys fucking-over wounded soldiers though. Just treat the rank-and-file better than the Conservatives and you'll probably be okay.)

So. There you have it. You're in the Liberal Party of Canada! You just might be prime minister som

e day! Your party is the party of multi-culturalism. You don't rest your appeal on racism. Your party is progressive on social issues. You don't discriminate against LGBT people and you were capable of decriminalizing marijuana. You understand that there's a role for the public sector in managing the economy. (Increasingly, you're thinking that this role is less and less important. Probably because you have less and less revenue as you compete with the Conservatives with tax-cuts.)

You will do nothing to impede the USA's dominance of the Canadian economy. You will do little to nothing to harm the oil industry. In fact, you will subsidize fossil fuels to the tune of $3.3 billion annually. (All the while mouthing platitudes on fighting global warming.) With a tear in your eye you will continue to run roughshod over the remaining Treaty rights of the First Nations to service the resource sector while adhering to the long-term goal of slow-motion genocide so as to remove them as a hindrance to further resource development. You will allow massive, brazen corruption from the wealthy. Gouging of Canadians from the telecommunications oligopolies. Price-fixing at all the major grocery chains. Bribery from SNC-Lavalin. Picking up the tab for the environmental catastrophes of the oil sector. Predatory practices of the big banks. Selling weapons to the monstrous, genocidal Saudi regime. Bullying Venezuela.

Wait a minute! Why did you want to become prime minister of Canada again?


e.a.f. said...

loved it!

thwap said...

Thanks e.a.f.

I've got an idea for a similar post about the NDP. But first there'll be a book review.

Owen Gray said...

Seems like the deck is stacked. thwap.

thwap said...

It certainly is. This is a capitalist society, Which means the capitalists are in charge. Which means if there's a choice between public safety and deregulation for profit, deregulation for profit is likeliest to win.

I meant to take that post farther by going into the psychological shortcomings of anyone who would still choose to participate in this system and dedicate themselves to the shoddy reality that Canada actually is. (Colonialism, racism, contempt for the environment, hypocrisy, etc.,)