Around 1993, when I was in my late-twenties, I lived in Toronto for a summer. Unemployed. One day, I'm walking on Bloor, somewhere west of Bathurst Street, when a woman approached me. She was a tiny thing. Kind of cute. Early-thirties I'd say. She mumbled something to me. I asked: "Excuse me?" She said a little louder: "Do you have a cigarette?" I don't smoke, so of course I said "No. Sorry." She mumbled something else. I said "Excuse me?" She said a little louder "Do you want a blow-job?"
It's testimony to what a kill-joy I am that in my mind's eye all I could see were cold sores erupting all around her mouth. That and the fact that I'm not too big about paying for sex, I said "Uh, no. Sorry."
Here's the thing that's haunted me all these years. She said "Please?" in such a way that it sounded like it'd really make her day if I let her suck my dick. It really did. And that's what made me laugh nervously when I repeated "No" to her. I knew at the time that it was all about her needing money. But I was flustered and just wanted to get out of there. My laughter was part of my being uncomfortable. I've thought about it since and I guess she was new to the whole thing and definitely not happy about whatever situation had brought her to offer oral sex to strangers for money. I've said on many occasions that I'm on the small side myself. Up until I was 40 there was always a certain subset of women (some beautiful) who found me attractive. She probably thought I looked unthreatening and, also, she could handle the idea of having my cock in her mouth, so she screwed-up her courage and approached me.
Yes. The whole thing sounds pretty sad. I know why I laughed. Her "Please?" sounded funny and I was already off-balance and uncomfortable. If I'd been thinking, I might have spoken to her and given her five-bucks (if I'd had it at the time, as I was unemployed) or something. But I was too disoriented to think of anything like that at the time. I guess she probably felt like shit, and thought that I was cruel and laughing at her predicament. I don't recall this story with any sort of merriment. I hope she got her life back on track.
It's testimony to what a kill-joy I am that in my mind's eye all I could see were cold sores erupting all around her mouth. That and the fact that I'm not too big about paying for sex, I said "Uh, no. Sorry."
Here's the thing that's haunted me all these years. She said "Please?" in such a way that it sounded like it'd really make her day if I let her suck my dick. It really did. And that's what made me laugh nervously when I repeated "No" to her. I knew at the time that it was all about her needing money. But I was flustered and just wanted to get out of there. My laughter was part of my being uncomfortable. I've thought about it since and I guess she was new to the whole thing and definitely not happy about whatever situation had brought her to offer oral sex to strangers for money. I've said on many occasions that I'm on the small side myself. Up until I was 40 there was always a certain subset of women (some beautiful) who found me attractive. She probably thought I looked unthreatening and, also, she could handle the idea of having my cock in her mouth, so she screwed-up her courage and approached me.
Yes. The whole thing sounds pretty sad. I know why I laughed. Her "Please?" sounded funny and I was already off-balance and uncomfortable. If I'd been thinking, I might have spoken to her and given her five-bucks (if I'd had it at the time, as I was unemployed) or something. But I was too disoriented to think of anything like that at the time. I guess she probably felt like shit, and thought that I was cruel and laughing at her predicament. I don't recall this story with any sort of merriment. I hope she got her life back on track.
2 comments:
i hope so too, thwap
She was one of the people Franz Fanon called "he Wretched of the Earth," Thwap.
There are so many of them.
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