Channeling the Right-Wing

So, for the continuing entertainment value of left-wing Canucks who long to see some similar thinking as they browse gloomily through the inter-tubes, I've decided to try to think like a right-wing voter. Yes, yes. Crude stereotypes, doesn't do justice to the  nuanced worldviews of this demographic, elitism, blah, blah, blah-fucking-blah.

Anyhooooooo .....

I believe that human life begins at conception. That means women should be forced to carry pregnancies to term. They can put them up for adoption afterwards. The stupid sluts. But they'd no doubt want to collect the welfare. And they'll get themselves knocked-up again as soon as the child benefits start to run out. Believe you me. I say NO! None of this subsidies for sluts. Make the teenage mothers marry the teenage hoodlums who knocked 'em up! That is if they can figure out which one of those morons got them pregnant while she was letting herself get gang-banged at that booze and drug orgy that today's teenagers call a "party."

I can think of nothing more Christian than to condemn pregnant women to lives of poverty and marriage to the first minimum wage teenage father who agrees to try to support her. And, anyway, if she's truly destitute, she can, as I said earlier, always give the kid up for adoption.

I can see no connection between my attitude and the decision many young women take to have an abortion. What? And, just because a woman (and if I'm a right-wing anti-choice female, ANOTHER woman) get's raped (and even if it isn't HER FAULT that she got raped) and she gets pregnant, she should be forced to carry her rapist's baby. Just because (so I've heard) that the first thing a woman wants to do after being raped is to wash the filth out of her, and carrying a pregnancy to term means feeling the effects of that rape day after day, month after month, ... I can't see that it's any big deal. It's not the baby's fault its father is a rapist. Anyhow, she can always give the baby up for adoption if she hates it that much. Simple really.

And if the pregnancy puts the mother's health at risk, ... well so what? She had her time. Nobody put a gun to her head and forced her to have sex. You play's your money you take's your chances I say. Maybe they'll both pull through anyway.

And if the baby is going to be born with a terminal disease or painful disability, ... well all life is precious. And if it's too much for her and whoever, they can always give the baby up for adoption. There's plenty of people who would like to adopt a painfully disabled child requiring 24-hour care. I haven't adopted any child like that, but I'm sure there's like some kind, rich folks out there somewhere.

Anyhow, ... the number one cause of unwanted pregnancies is sex. And sex is evil. Unless and only, if it's between a man and a woman (who were born that way landsakes!) who were married by a duly-accredited minister of some recognized religion. But especially Christianity. The one, true faith (I'm not sorry to say.) Other religions are okay as long as they help people to control their animalistic urges. Which is what sex is. But don't take that to mean that we're animals. We're made in God's own image. Well, men are anyway. God has a dick. And no tits. Or pussy. Or maybe he doesn't have anything between his legs. He doesn't need one after all. He's God. He doesn't need to have sex or pee.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. So, just because we reproduce the way animals do, and eat the way they do and defecate and piss the way they do and fall prey to germs and viruses and stuff, and all that; we're separate from the animals. Because. Have you ever seen a dog drive a car? (Not in the circus!)

Can I give you a lift?

Ain't they cute?

Oh yeah, sex. Sex needs to be controlled. Pregnancy and childbirth are God's way of punishing women for having given Adam the apple to eat. From listening to a snake. This is true. It says so in the Bible, which is the revealed Word Of God. Everything you need is in the Bible. How do you know when the Earth began? Were you there? God was! So that's why women can't have abortions. And that's why teenagers who have sex are evil. And they're especially evil if they use birth control. Because it lulls you into a false sense of security it does. No contraceptive is 100% proof against unwanted pregnancies or venereal diseases (another punishment in case you're too stupid to get it from just one!). Chastity is the surest protection against unwanted pregnancies and sexual diseases.

And I'm not even going to listen to you when you start talking about how US states with the most Christian kids and the lowest access to birth control have the highest rates of unwanted pregnancies. First of all, statisticians are scientists. And most scientists are heathens who worship bullshit theories like evolution and deny the wonders of God all around them. So, you can make statistics say anything you like. After all, how the hell would anyone know this stuff? Do you really believe that somebody goes around Mississippi and Wisconsin and adds up all the teenaged mothers and then, on top of that, asks them if they've been saved by the Blood of the Lamb? And even if they do, you're pretty trusting to believe they tell the truth, what with their humanistic agenda and all.

I guess it makes sense to him!

Did you know that Planned Parenthood started the Nazi Party? It's true. I read that Margaret Sanger wanted to kill all the crippled babies and all the "inferior" races (like the precious Blacks and the Indians) that the leftists (who are the real racists) pretend to care about. (If they cared so much about the Blacks and the Indians, they stop letting them wallow about in the squalor of their own degenerate cultures and teach them to embrace the ways of the White Man, who, I'm sorry to have to say, built modern civilization entirely on their own without any help from anybody. What's that? Slavery? That was a long time ago! Quit trying to guilt me for something my ancestors did hundreds of years ago. And, anyway, ... it worked out for the slaves. Their kids get to live in America instead of the hell-hole that Africa is.)

Where was I?

Africa, slavery. Gangstas. Alcoholism. Babies? Fetal Alcohol Syndrome? Birth control? Oh yeah! Planned Parenthood: Margaret Sanger wanted to kill crippled kids (just like the abortionists) and the "inferior" races, just like Hitler! You can look it up. It's true!

The face of evil!

Well, I have to go. I've got to change the laundry and get the kid's lunch ready. Come by tomorrow and I'll tell you about how it's the leftists who are the real racists!