Friday, February 20, 2015

Interview With Peter MacKay

Good day (evening?) loyal "schoolyard" readers! In what some would call a "coup" I've managed to get Justice Minister Peter MacKay to sit down for an exclusive interview! Let's get right to it:

thwap: Thank's for agreeing to speak with me.

JMPM: How do I look?

thwap: This is just a blog. Words. Nobody can see you.

JMPM: Simple question, How. Do. I. Look?

thwap: Um, ... okay I guess. Normal. The usual.

JMPM: Good, right?

thwap: Personally, I wouldn't do that anti-abortion t-shirt with the suit and tie, but ...

JMPM: They're good people ...

thwap: Right. Anyway, I suppose the first thing that I'd like to ask you about is your controversial statement that the alleged plot of the neo-nazi teenagers to massacre people at a Halifax shopping mall wasn't "terrorism."

JMPM: (Sighs.) I don't see how it's controversial. They're just kids. Screwed-up kids sure. But they didn't kill anyone.

thwap: But Muslim teenagers -

JMPM: I'm going to cut you off right there; when some Muslim "teenagers" (as you put it) decide to join fundamentalist jihad, they're joining a larger movement that's already committing acts of terrorism all around the world.

thwap: But these teenagers in the Halifax plot were espousing Nazism. Certainly fascism, neo-Nazism ... that's a world movement with a history of violence?

JMPM: When was the last time Nazis flew a plane into a building?

thwap: Nothing comes to mind. But they're certainly violent. And just now they were plotting - allegedly plotting - actual terroristic violence.

JMPM: They weren't terrorists!

thwap: Mister MacKay, let me ask you something; If they had carried out a massacre, would they have been terrorists then?

JMPM: No. They would have been sick individuals.

thwap: They would have been "misfits" up until the moment they first killed someone?

JMPM: That's one way of putting it. Yes.

thwap: Would you care to elaborate?

JMPM: Um ...

thwap: Because I'm not sure how you reached your conclusion.

JMPM: Don't you remember being a teenager? Didn't you have violent fantasies that you kept to yourself?  

thwap: I'll admit to fantasizing about fights against my most obnoxious enemies that all went my way. Maybe some vague action-movie daydreams against imaginary opponents.

JMPM: Didn't you ever think of blowing-up your entire highschool, or putting all the stuck-up bitches who turned you down into one room and raping all of them?

thwap: No ...

JMPM: Or burying all the adults who pissed you off up to their heads in the ground and then dousing their heads with gasoline and lighting them all on fire?

thwap: No actually.

JMPM: I don't believe you.

thwap: Sorry.

JMPM: Political-correctness has erased your lefty memory.

thwap: Whatever. What about Timothy McVeigh, the American white supremacist who blew up a federal building in Oklahoma, ... was he a terrorist?

JMPM: That's what some are calling him. So I guess that's what he is.

thwap: But what do YOU think?

JMPM: Next question.

thwap: You can't say whether you think Timothy McVeigh was a terrorist or not?

JMPM: Ahem! The question you're entering into deals with certain subluminous issues of jurisdiction and epistemology that percludes a verifiable definitive analysis. Certain legal, diplomatic and allegatory niceties percludes my being able to stance my official definitionorial judgments ...

thwap: What about that right-wing, libertarian gun-nut in New Brunswick who killed those police officers?

JMPM: As you said, a single, libertarian-extremist gun-owner.

thwap: Those weren't my exact words. But even still, you don't see him as representative of a broader social phenomenon?

JMPM: I think there were some particular circumstances in this individual's history that led him to take his otherwise admirable values to dangerously extreme levels.

[To be continued.]


greg said...

Thanks for that. Amazing job getting that interview.

thwap said...

They know who they got to talk to to reach the most amount of Canadians.

greg said...

YOu are the master.

Andrew Coyne, who I think has criticised Harper on some things, commented that the 82 percent who support c-51 probably don't know thing one of what's in it. (I'm commenting on a post you did recently so I think this is on topic but two days behind.... and a little to the left. Ahhhh. Yeah,.. that's perfect. Right there.

thwap said...

Oh yeah! I see it!